Trying to find some reverse gratitude during the Thanksgiving season


In preparation for Thanksgiving, I am doing a little reverse gratitude.

Essentially, this consists of things I would be grateful not to have in my life. Fortunately, there are not any people on my list, but oh so many services, sales and sillies that land in my inbox multiple times a day.

Here we go.

Please note that I have no use for the little blue pills even if you are selling them for 87 cents a piece rather than the $5.00 each your competitors are charging. I am however interested in whatever made you think that I would be interested.

That settled, I’ll move on to weight loss. If I were to lose 27 pounds in 25 days, as your ad touts, I would look like the little girl from one of my childhood books who was so skinny she got washed down the drain with the bathwater. I finally got over being terrified of baths and would certainly not pay to go through that nightmare again.

Even though I love my Lark kitty dearly I will not invest in a $1500 “catio” (cat patio) when we both know she will wind up sleeping in the box in which it arrives. And yes, I was impressed that you offer one in my favorite lavender color, but Larkie is a simple soul who is happy to curl up with a purple towel in a cardboard box.

Speaking of investments, the money spent on trying to entice me to buy gold is a poor investment on the part of the seller. Telling me I’d be crazy not to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity won’t work. I’m fine with being a little crazy. I am not looking to get rich overnight. In fact, I am not looking to get rich at all. I am grateful for my modestly middle-class life.

And now a word about medications. I have never taken one that made me sing or dance, especially not after all the side effects are listed. I don’t need my antacids to burst into song. Burping would be just fine.

If any advertisers of these products are reading this, Happy Thanksgiving and I would be most grateful to be deleted from your mailing list.

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